Taking a Breath

I took a step back earlier today as I was looking at my bookshelf. I have a habit of forgetting about the small paperback books I've got. Some of them are actually awesome. In searching through some of them, I found my own book. It's hard to believe that I spent three years of my life working on it and it ended up in the same place as the rest of the books I hold dear to me. On a shelf in my collection, forgotten about because it doesn't stand out like the rest.

It was so weird now to hold my own in my hand. To think that there are people who are holding the same thing that I am and it was something that I created. Absolute strangers are reading parts of my mind that I always told myself that I would never let anyone read. And now here I am. A poet. But even more so, a published author.

Peeling back the cover I found the first poem. It was one that I wrote during a lost period of my life when I was just realizing what I was trying to make myself to be. A writer. To this day, I can remember how this poem came to life. It was created between the lyrics of some Josh Groban song and something that I had always told a friend of mine to do; "When ever you're wondering about me, watch the moon. I will be watching it with you so you will never feel alone." In a way, it's something that's so true. At night, the moon is the focal point in everyone's life. Even when it's covered by clouds we know it's there. But if you stop and think about it and wonder for just a minute, remember this. There is someone in the world, maybe someone who loves you, is watching it with you. That sense that we are all alone will never enter your mind again.

To all of my new readers and new fans, this one is for you. Here is the poem that taught me to reach just far enough, but never more then what I should have.

Stars

Lost in a world of empty spaces.

The ruler of my world is the desert.

It never seems to care who enters its lands.

All it knows is that once you step in,

it's unlikely that you'll come out.

With my wings stretched out, I fell from Heaven

hoping that I could find something new for me.

But now in this decrepit land, never once used for the much,

I lay with my wings broken and my faith shattered.

Why did I have to dream of more then what I wanted?

Why did I give up eternal beauty for a land of solitude and dispare

which is built only for hermits.

Now I watch the clear nights with the sky full of stars.

They are the eyes of my brothers and sisters watching me.

The cold wind and dry air make me understand

they do not cry for me. Not a tear has fallen from the sky.

The sun rises and begins to burn me. Not with the heat

that it gives, but with the light that it brings.

It allows me to see myself. My shame. My broken wings.

I pray that the invisible flames may take my life and my soul,

but I am an archangel. We are cursed with immortality.

I will never die, but in my time here, I will wish many times

that I could.

And now the sand shall cover me. Breeze after breeze

shall bring parts of the land to cover me.

It will burn my skin, dry my eyes, and melt my spirit.

Soon the sand and I will be one and my wishes

will still not have passed.

My Lord of lords, I make one last prayer. Take my soul.

Take my soul and place it in the stars.

Not in the Heavens, but amongst the stars.

Make my star the color of mortal blood,

so that when they look up, they may not pray for me.

Oh Lord, I beg and plead that they will not pray for me.

My soul is not worthy of your grace.

Name my star, The Morning Star, for that is when my pain begins.

My real name is not worthy of a star in the beauty you have created.

Who shall look upon the sky,

and pray to see the star....

Lucifer?

Until next time.