Digital Love

A while back I remember writing something about love. I don't think I've ever posted it anywhere as it was just an essay that came to mind. Now that I look back on it, I was right about a lot of things in that essay that I never stopped to actually think about. That's pretty much me, right there. Writing stuff down and never thinking what exactly I'm trying to say or what I've said.

The essay was basically talking about how people use the term "I love you" too loosely. As a race of beings that need to have some sort of sociality in order to survive, we long to have something closer than close friendships. We yearn to have that one person that belongs to us. Well, not really belong to us, but the person who we can say we share similar feelings with and not just on a sexual level. Though sex is a vital part in some relationships, there are some people that don't thrive on it. The act of just tactile contact in a non-sexual way can be more powerful than any form of sexual innuendo. Holding someone's hand can have more love than getting off on someone.

It's this form of love that seems to have left people in this digital age. With so many forms of communication available to us, we no longer have to go to physical places in order to strike a conversation with a complete stranger. Due to the technological revolution that we call the internet, we have a vast number of places where we are allowed to communicate with not only people who live near us, but also places that we may have never been too or probably never even heard of. However, if you've not heard the name of each major country in your life at least once, I highly recommend that you read a map before you actually start talking on the internet. It might give you a little help as to knowing where the person you're talking to comes from. And it might help you to avoid asking that ice breaker question "So how's the weather there?”

But along with all this communication comes the fact that people will and do fall in love with people whom they start talking to in this digital divide. It's not to say that people don't actually have working relationships on the internet that can still hold strong once people decide that they actually want to meet each other in person. But people who are not experience in what exactly "love" is will fall victim to a trap that is as old as the internet it self.

The internet allows us to throw up a person shield that we can chose to either put up or down. We can create a personality that doesn't have to be real or put our lives out in the digital open to see if we find people that find us interesting. It is at that point when we finally find people who wish to communicate with us and begin some sort of online friendship where we find ourselves the most fragile. Those who are poor judges of character out in the real world will find that the digital world is just as hard if not extremely harder since the only thing that we can see about the person we're talking to is the words on a screen. Even those who have web cams can't be the person they say they are.

Perhaps we take a chance and we get to know these people who find us interesting and, depending on your sexual preference, you find yourself strangely attracted to the person you're talking to. The lines of old start to come into play: "I've never met a person like you before in my life." , "When ever I talk to you I feel so much better." , "I trust you more than I trust anyone I know." , "I can't live without you." (and just when you thought the usually cheesy come-on lines couldn't get any worse, they use the dreaded) "I love you."

Sometimes, and I say sometimes because it doesn't always happen, where people actually say these lines and they turn out to be whole hearted about what they are saying and the friendships do blossom out to be more than just friendships. But for those people who fail to see beyond the shadow or the mask of the person they're talking to, they don't realize what form of attraction they actually have with the person on the other side.

This is not a physical attraction but merely an emotional attraction. People long to be with people who are either like the, different than them, or make them feel something that they've never felt before. This is a vulnerability that everyone has. Even the anti-social socialists in this world have this in their lives. They long to find someone who has the same "God complex" as they do so they can rule the world together. Some people fail to understand this play of emotions and when they finally discover who the person is behind the mask, the person in love is destroyed. Left with a spot in their heart and mind so cold that they either long for a replacement of that feeling with someone else or they build up an anger of hatred for the person who hurt them.

This non-understanding of this emotional attraction has hurt so many people. At some point the attracted person needs to ask themselves, how do I love this person if I can't see them or touch them?

I used to say that love transcends all boarders and that if love is actually real and is heartfelt, then long distance relationships truly can work. I still believe that even after all that has happened to me in the last few years. Whether it be friendships or relationships between a man and a woman, woman or woman, man or man, it is all the same. If you can't understand what you're feeling for the person on the other computer, you need to step back and learn more about them. A mask is never the real face, it's always to hide something.

On second thought...

Maybe this song does have a use right now after all. I suggest you find the song first that way this poem will have much more meaning.

The endless field
of a farm he had never asked
to see or live on.

The wave of green
that moves in the wind
so gentle as his mother's touch.

Why does he long to leave serenity?

Why does he hope to one day be gone
from the place that so many days
had brought him happiness?

He rushes through field
hoping to find the answers
to a question that's buring in his heart.

The leaves slap and the cut
yet he moves on.

He trips and and falls.
The ground scrapes his legs
and cuts his face
yet he moves on.

The sun shows him the way
and he follows it
as if it were the last trail
in his life he would ever follow.

Now is the end.

The path he can no longer follow
because the land has ended.

The ravine below
as empty as his heart
and now he asks...

WHEN WILL BE MY TIME!?

©Archangel

The Essence of Music

I have found nothing better to help me in my writing than the power of music. There is a place that writers need to go to that we can't always get there with our imaginations alone. We must be taken there by a force that we can only hear.

Through music I have always wondered about my first project that is started long ago. Everytime I hear a piece of music, I wonder about it. I can't help but wonder where it would have fit in the part of the movie I would have written about my book and how vividly I could see the images in my head.

I recently found a song written by the band Ra that gives me such an image. While I haven't fueled my works on anything they have sang yet, I'm sure that is only a matter of time when they make me write something that will express my love of music.

It sounds like a whisper
It seems like a dream
It breaks and it falls
It tears at the seam

Suppose that it happens
Suppose that it's real
Supposing you're right
Suppose it won't heal forever

And I will get old and tired
And nothing will get to me
No one will want to have me
Longing to be set free

If only the sun would take me
If only the wind was on my side [2x]

I wish I could see you
I'm stuck in a fog
I wish I had patience
A virtue says god

I wish I had wishes
A gold magic charm
I'd wish for more time
I'd wish to go far away

And I will get old and tired
And nothing will get to me
No one will want to have me
Longing to be set free

If only the sun would take me
If only the wind was on my side [2x]

I can hear voices calling
And I can feel weight upon my mind
You'll hold my hand in your hand
And after I'm gone you'll still have
Time to figure out the things,
The things that left me empty inside

If only the sun would take me
If only the wind was on my side [2x]
If only the wind was on my side...
Wooooa... on my side

Angel born in hell

And though he cried in the night
no one heard him coming
and they all slept peacefully
and wonderfully.

Through the silence of the night
his footsteps were thought
to be that of thunder
made by the sound of a coming storm.

Out of the depths of all that is evil
came a creature of pure hatrid
and much malice
that even those he loves
were not on his mind that night.

As he races down the town streets
no one can hear the clatter of his sword
and his shield.

Fueled by a rage of lies,
dishonored by those he trusted,
and above all,
the understanding
that he shall have no peace
until they are wiped from his mind.

As he reached the center of town
the streetlights were covered with moonlight
and it was just enough
to carry out his judgement.

Weilding his sword
and brandishing his sheild
he slowly rose to the sky
spreading out his hands and speaking
only to himself
in a trance
that only he understood.

"TONIGHT" ,he cried,
"I am through with my suffering,
I am through with the lies aflicting my heart,
and I am through
with those who have brought it to me."

And from the earth
there was a great blast
and the town saw only the light of hell
and felt the anger
in an angel's heart.

But one small boy
lingered outside the town
and it was his eye
that caught the angel in flight
and he could not be left
as a lone witness.

And as the angel flew down to attack
the boy crossed his arms
and covered his face....
and woke from his slumber.

He rose from his bed
covered in his fear and sweat
and said the words he would never forget...

"Angels bring vengence in the night
to those who cast hurt on those
we do not know are angels."

© Archangel

Until next time

Losing your thoughts

There comes a time in every writer's life (wow I sound old) when the inevitable must happen. All of us will have this one moment where we go "duh"! Today was my day. I have officially become a writer by having this small moment of weakness happen to me.

As I was cleaning out files from my computer, of which I have several hundred, I came across a file that I had never seen before, but I had obviously written it because it was a word file. I opened it up and it was written as a poem. It was at that moment, I went, "OH! I remember writing this!" At that point I realized, I have been writing way too long.

I usually have a backstory as to why I write each of my pieces, but it escapes me as to why I wrote this one. War has never actually been something I like to write about. This poem, however, was written just for that. I believe I wrote it from the vantage point of a soldier. Whom the enemy was supposed to be, I'll leave that one up to you. This poem is just as much a mystery as it will be to the people who are about to read it. Enjoy!

The Fallen

I kneel before my attacker
My guardian from Heaven
My demon on earth
My salvation in life.

I watch and wait
waiting for the moment to strike
secretly listening and watching
for the signs and signals
of their coming
and their second revolt.

I kneel to my protector
my rod,
my shield,
he is my only defense
When the time comes
for me to call out his name
and tell him I fight for him
I will stand with pride
and I will crush my attackers
and kill his betrayers.

The streets are silent
by millions of voices
of those who would be them.
Those who know they are something more
than just the people they think they are.
In my heart
They are
the ultimate enemy.

To crush evil dressed as good
or to save the good believed to be evil
will be the only question in my mind
when I raise my weapon
and we battle for the first
and last time.

The battle lines will be drawn,
the last of their kind
will be summoned from the darkness of light
and from the heavenly light of the shadow
and we'll see who will strike first.

The skies will darken,
the clouds will combine,
and it shall rain
the tears of a thousand angels;
the tears shed for the soul-less fallen
and tears shed for the souls who will fall.

I will don the clothes of the avenger,
sheath my weapon and draw it like he,
caress the shield around my neck,
kiss it one last time
and take the first steps at the nearing army.

And some of them will have plans in their eyes
and some of them will have tears.
I will show no fear in my face,
but in my mind
I will tremble with the knowledge
of what is my task.

Someday it will be their will
to send me to the place I have only read about
and it will be mine
to send them to the place
they should have always been.

Until next time.

Easy to forget

My appologies to those who've been reading my blog and wondering what happened to me. I haven't forgotten about my blog. I've just been concentrating on my latest book since it seems to help me focus alot. All those bright sayings that I have about writing I actually do use. Took be long enough to learn them all and figure them out, but now that I've got them down I actually use them on a daily basis.

About the title of this blog, I actually came to the realization about something the other day. I was talking to someone from overseas who just recently lost a baby in the family just as I did a long time ago. It got me thinking about how long my baby brother, Alex, has been passed on. It's easy to forget that we take a part of them with us once they're gone. They linger in our souls so that we never lose track of what we had. I don't think there is one day when I don't have his name cross my mind. While it's a little bit easier to deal with now that it's been years, that part lingers on and I don't really ever want it to go away.

Why talk about this? Of course I've got a poem for you, people. And for the first time, I dedicate this one to my new friend. May you soon find peace in your life as I did. This one's for you, Ashton... and you too Aaron.

Tell Her

Tell my love

she means the world to me.

The stars in the sky twinkle for her

and for the rest of our lives that's where they'll be.

Tell my brothers

we well always have the baseball field.

The place we grew up and lost ourselves in a game.

Remind them of the time I hit that home run, lost the ball for us all,

but hoped the hit made that ball tame.

Tell my father

I love him very much.

Tell him good-bye with a handshake.

Tell him not of where I am.

When he hears the news, our fishing boat and his heart will sink.

Tell my friends

I can feel them with me.

Their strength, their love, their prayers, their tears.

Comfort them with the fact that when I get to where I'm going

I will meet them there so there will be no fears.

Tell my mother

I saw an angel before I died.

Tell her she cradled me in her arms the way you held me the day you let

me see the light and the beauty of your heart through your eyes.

Tell her,

the angels touch was nothing compared to hers.

It will never compare to the way you held me when I cried or when I

slept on the couch past my bedtime watching TV with her.

My God, tell her that I wish to be there now.

Tell her,

I smell the flower in the distance.

Tell her I can smell the roses she told me to stop and smell when I

moved too fast. Tell her, I can see the one she picked for me to give my

love. Tell her, because of the thorn she left, I got to hold my love's hand

for the first time.

But tell them all,

tell them in in words only you can tell,

that the angels I see now don't compare to the ones I leave behind.

Tell my brothers, I see our field of dreams.

Tell my love, I see her wedding dress.

Tell my father, I see the fish we caught.

But tell my mother, I saw an angel before I died.

Tell her, I got to see her face one last time.

Until next time.