"Forgive those you love....

even when they don't love you anymore."

I just learned that mantra today. There are times when I'm meditating that I learn things in my mind that make so much sense that I wonder where in the hell I come up with these things. I guess with all the stuff that I've seen people go through over the last few years of my life and now with the stuff I've had to deal with, the more mantras that can take some of the pain away and make me realize that I still have the whole world ahead of me, the better.

Someone asked me why it was I titled my last blog the way I did. The truth is, that's basically how it all started. Only, it wasn't with a notebook. It was actually just a bunch of sheets of paper that I wasn't using, a computer desk that didn't have a computer, and an old desk lamp. I was about 12 or 13 when I realized I was gonna be a writer. It happened one night while I was watching something on tv. It was really late at night and I got the urge to get up and write something. About five minutes later, I had the beginning of a story that has been morphing til this day. I've changed it so much that I think it will ultimately be the story that I get right. I get the spritit to work on it from time to time, but I haven't done it for a while.

Looking back on that night now, I wonder why it was I got that urge. Never before then had I expressed an interest in writing, however I loved to read. The librarian at my middle school had to kick me out of the library all the time so that he could go home. But if I think further back on it, I started writing in 5th grade, but I never thought anything of it. So I guess the ability was always there, just not the reasoning as to why I was doing it.

I got out of bed to write this blog because I got that urge again. The feeling that my day would not be complete if I didn't get the thoughts out of my head. At the end of the day, I often get that feeling, but I never put it to go use. Maybe if I did, more of the books that I've been planning to finish would be done by now. Call it the traits of a gemini, but that's just me.

There was something important that I wanted to write about tonight now that I'm up. Now that I'm sitting in my chair with the light from my desk lamp and the light from my monitor, I don't really want to write anything anymore. The urge has come and gone. The oject that was on my mind is no longer the focal point and I could probably dream about it and get it over with.

But for those of you who just have to know what it is exactly I'm wondering about, I'll just leave you with this. As time goes on, you realize how stupid mistakes can be and you wonder if they happened for a reason. As I look back at the ones I have made, I think there was a real good reason for them to have happened. I'll ellaborate more tomorrow. I just had to get my thoughts out tonight.

Until next time.