No matter how hard you try...

you can never forget the things you love the most.

It's been a while since I've written here. A few of my new readers have joked with me on my MSN messenger asking me if I've not gotten "the urge". I remember a while back how much I used to hate that feeling in the middle of the night. Now I have it in the middle of the day also. It feels like the guilt that you've not done something you were meant to do. Now it's 12:04 A.M. and I'm sitting at my computer trying to fill in the words in this blog that have been in my head, gathering enough force to find a way out through my fingers. They're winning now.

My blog has gotten some attention since I started actively writing it again. My poetry seems to connect with a lot of people. That's the way it should be. That's the way everything thing you read should effect you. It's the essence of the writer that's in the work he's just created that should fill your heart and mind with something you can't quite put your finger on, but you know it's there. I love doing that to people.

I've been noticeably different these past few days. People I talk to can just sense it from me. I know what's wrong with me, but I'm trying my best to keep myself from remembering what it is that's bothering me. I have a tendancy to want to go back to the past and thinking that there is a chance to go back in time and change a few things. I guess the fact that I've written fantasy most of my life, I'm starting to think that some of the things I've created are actually real.

I can't say that my life has been perfect. Hell, no one can. Most people would give up a whole bunch of things in their life to have a perfect moment for once in their lives. I didn't have to give up more than money to get mine. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, I'll try my best to tell you what The Perfect Moment feels like....

The Perfect Moment

Picture if you will
a night of crisp air
and only the light
of the full moon
to make you foolish.

You stand in the darkness
and look up at the jewel in the sky
how it shines just for you
tonight.

Your mind wanders to that spot,
that place,
that moment,
where fate,
in all is vast mystery,
showed you it was truely real

And then the moon
it's blurred
by a tear
caused by a smile

A smile so strong
the stars shine brighter
the wind softly blows
and your mind plays
the perfect song
to help you remember
that one moment.

It's there
it's that point in time
you hadn't even known
you were waiting for all your life.

It's that first breath,
that first hug,
that first smile,
that first anything
that never was more real
than at that moment.

That point
where if you were asked
you wouldn't be able to tell
what was happening around you.

Cloaked in the moonlight
you hold onto that moment
for as long as you can
hoping that it will last a little longer

And then you blink
and just like that moment in time
it's gone.

That feeling,
that revery,
that ounce of hope
that there was a reason
you were meant to be here.

The moon
hidden by a cloud.

That experience
written over by time.

That moment
turned to memory.

And now
it's in the safest place you know...

Your heart.


And if you can remember something like that, then you know what it's like.

Until next time.