I haven’t posted on my e-journal in quite some time now. Sometimes the habits of the past are just too hard to break. But, at least I came back this time after only a few weeks instead of a few months.
I’ve come back to write about something that has been bothering me over the past few years. Ya know, there was a period in my life where I spent every daylight our helping people who I didn’t know. I gave up college and the ability to start my life right away because I felt there was something I had yet to experience about my life. And so, I took years off of my life after I graduated high school to become a volunteer.
Those years that I volunteered at my old high school’s library were some of the most memorable moments of my life. I learned so much over the course of those four years. I’d met so many interesting people, made more friends after I graduated from high school than while I was actually a student, learned a lot more about myself, took in so much wisdom from people who’d experienced so much more than me, and left my mark in a place I now know like the back of my hand.
But it wasn’t until I decided that the days of high school were over, that I learned one of the most cruelest things about life: No matter how much time you give to your one part of the world, there will always be people who are ungrateful for the time you’ve given. Part of the things that I learned while I was there was that teachers aren’t perfect. They’re people just like everyone else and the image that we see them for as students is just something they have to do for us. Behind the scenes, their worlds aren’t always complete, they are in disarray, or they’re still trying to find their place just as much as you are.
I related this to my own personal experiences with my friends. I stopped to wonder, of all the friends I have made over the past few years, how many of those would be there if I needed them. But furthermore, how many of those “friends” aren’t really friends at all? Instead, are they just people who kept you because you were handy and once your usefulness was over, you could be quickly forgotten about like a passing stranger.
While I want to believe that the people I know would never do that to me, I must accept the fact that I have dealt with people who were indeed just like that. Once I had completed a task for them or once I had been used as the shoulder to cry on when no one else would listen, I was casted off as nothing more than someone they knew of, but didn’t know. As I think back on it now, that’s pretty much the way most of my friendships and relationships have been. I serve my purpose and people expect me to move on and hope that I will no longer be a part of their lives. Only, I’m a fool enough to believe that those people actively sought me out because they knew I would listen, offer my advice, and then when they felt better, they would have no problem having me be a part of their lives. All in a days work for being a guy with a big heart.
But there is much to be said about those with big hearts who really are trying to help and don’t mind to help. God bless those who do so much and expect nothing in return. Who would work day and night to build someone who lost their house a brand new one in sweltering heat and only asking for food and drink until it was done. A simple pat on the back, a thank you, maybe even a prayer for them every Sunday. Even soldiers who give up much to defend our country. Their families conform so much and sacrifice to give us protection. Even if you thought on the most minor of scales; a stranger in a store who sees you drop something from your purse or sees you drop your wallet. Instead of keeping it for themselves, they find you and give it back to you. There are still people like that in this world. I know, I’m one of them. It’s becoming harder and harder to stay one, but I know that there are still people just like me out there.
But once help is given, there are people who would constantly expect it and those that have received it, might do anything to hold onto it. Using the weapon of guilt on someone with a big heart is the cruelest weapon of all. The expectation that a good person is always supposed to be there for you after they’ve done something for you perhaps out of their good nature or just because they’re a good friend is a very misguided idea. But the sad reality is that there are people who never understand they’re being taken advantage of and a cycle that is nothing less than abuse begins.
What took me four, almost five, years to understand is that before you can help others, you must help yourself. Before you can take care of the needs of those that could use your help, you must make sure that there is nothing going on in your life that must be taken care of first. If in time, you are spending more time taking care of someone else’s issues when you have more important things to worry about, then the balance is off and the only person who is going to suffer is you. Those who would take advantage of you would never want you to do the things you have to do in your own life. It is in their mentality that you are only apart of their life to serve them and make them happy. You and your priorities, to the abuser, are a very distant second. The second you begin to show a sign of responsibility for yourself, the abuser uses guilt or calls you selfish for thinking of someone else other than them. If you’re not strong mentally to deal with this attack or you’re blind to realize what is happening, you will fall like a house of cards in an earthquake.
In the end, I guess, I’m thankful that I understand all of this now. I could have spent the rest of my life wondering what I could be doing while still giving up my time somewhere else instead of using it for myself.
I’m not saying that people shouldn’t help people. What I am saying is that you shouldn’t take advantage of the kind nature of people. For sake that there aren’t very many left in the world, give the ones that are still here a reason to keep doing what they’re doing. Let them be happy in their own lives. For having their own lives in order and being able to give back to others with their free time could be their little slice of Heaven that we all wish we could find.
