One would imagine that writing under a name like Archangel would mean that I do have a strong sense of faith about me. Indeed, I do have a powerful connection to God. While I don’t practice religion in the sense that most church going people would, I could never deny that my place on this earth is only because he allows it. My destiny, my talents, my abilities are all because he is my designer and my architect.
But the name is just that; a name. It only has as much power as I want it to have. It only has as much meaning as I want to give. There are times in my life, and as in everyone’s life, when we falter and we forget about the things that are most important to us. We take the problem that is right in front of us and it must be dealt with somehow or another. Otherwise, life just isn’t what it’s supposed to be.
Life hasn’t been exactly easy for me. I’m pretty sure that there are some who had it pretty worse than I did, I’m sure. But I wonder about those times in my life when I went through the things that I did. I wonder why it was that God would put people through things that might turn their hearts against him and make themselves believe that he doesn’t exist? That answer wasn’t very hard to search for once I stopped to think about it.
I was raised as a Roman Catholic. Then at the beginning of my teenage years I became and atheist. When I was in seventh grade or so, a music teacher taught me the value of faith and the strength it could give a person if they truly believed. So from then I knew there had to be a god. But at some point while I was in high school, I gave up on the idea of religion. I know some of you are going to have an issue with that, but I really don’t see the point of religion. I do however, see the point in having faith. When you break the Christian religions down, that’s pretty much what it comes down to. We all must believe in God, there are things that science can’t explain even with all the technology that we have and so there has to be some outside force that is controlling things that we can’t.
Despite feeling those things within myself, there are moments in my life where I honestly don’t believe God is listening to me. There are points where don’t believe he’s listening to anyone, really. It’s like a prolonged suffering that we have to go through so he can see that we’re worthy of his ear.
That was happening to me recently. I had hit a brick wall emotionally and I just wasn’t going anywhere. I’m still emotionally blocked now but not as bad as I was before. It was a Wednesday night when I was just sitting in my computer chair watching something on TV, when the words they were speaking felt like they had been picked for me to hear.
I searched for the clip I had just seen and referenced the quotes that they had made and all of a sudden, for no particular reason at all besides the fact that I was just so damn full of spirit, I began to cry. It was as if the things I had been asking and wondering about in my mind had been answered by something and I hadn’t been expecting an answer. God had made himself known to me and was telling me what he wanted me to do and what I needed to understand.
So in a moment of weakness and feeling like I had lost all favor with God, he decided to show me that he was right there with me still. He was just hoping I would figure it out for myself. I guess that just proves to me that I should never go back on my beliefs just because times got a little tough.
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